worthy...

I've been dealing with some dark times for quite a while now. I don't know the purpose for it all, but I'm hanging on to the God who's holding me.
I found myself yesterday saying to God, "If you love me...PLEASE prove it..."
Right then, I felt Jesus' sadness as he spoke back to my heart, "I DO love you. Have you really forgotten what I did for you? Was that not enough?" It's the true love story.
Some things are just too hard to retell with the same meaning they had when they happened. But suddenly, I saw a man with the deepest, purest, love in his eyes, being dragged away towards a wooden cross. And though he said not a word, his eyes pleaded for me to understand that though this would hurt him - no, more than that - kill him, it was alright. He was resolved, because I was worth it to him.
Overwhelmed I started crying. Wow, what misdirected focus I've had. I've been crying and complaining that HE wasn't doing his part. But, he reminded me that I was the one who had forgotten what He's already done. He gave his life, because he loves me. He saw me as worthy, and died for love.